Mother’s Day: LEAN IN: Women, Work and the Will to Lead

It’s been a busy couple of weeks, so I missed writing about what I wanted to for Mother’s Day, which is a book review of Sheryl Sandberg’s book, Lean In: Women, Work, and the Will to Lead.   There’s been a lot written about the book, [To read the latest, see a well-thought-out review of a review at Huffington Post about the NY Review of Books review.]

Sides have been taken on the book, the omissions, the author, and

occasionally the content, so here are MY comments on an already intensely talked-about book.

First, if you haven’t read it, you should.  Gender doesn’t matter, read it.  If you want to be a good male-partner, read it.  If you are a woman, read it.  PERIOD.  Why?  You don’t have to agree with her choices, you don’t have to agree with what she writes but women should be aware of the sad statistics regarding too few female leaders.  She is extremely candid in setting out caveats all along the way saying she’s not pretending to have all the answers.  She does, however, have an incredible story of career success, and there are not enough books for aspiring women to read on this subject.  She does give some good advice for everyone, like “Don’t leave before you Leave”, in the context of women who refuse or don’t seek promotions because they are planning to start a family sometime. [BTW, I still have a hard time understanding why women don’t like the term feminist, so for anyone of my gender who doesn’t like that label, look at the definition and rethink the error of your ways.]

It IS a motivational, inspirational story, and that’s perfectly acceptable to me.  Can’t have enough of those, either. She also gives several anecdotes of sexism she’s encountered in her jobs, and that’s valuable reading as well as distressing to see someone very high in her career still treated as sub-equal.  For me, the most interesting aspect of the book was her frank recounting of how very human she is, flaws and all.  She struggles with many of same problems that us normal folk do (What do I say to a jerk who’s being a chauvinist, I do NOT want to cry in front of this mean person, Why does that mean person get to me, How do I fit all this in and not go crazy?, etc.) She just struggles with a lot more money to throw at the problems. I liked her caution to women that the most important career decision they may make is picking their partner in life, because that will have far reaching ramifications.  Seems like good advice.

So, if you haven’t read it, go get a copy so you can be part of the conversation.  I would have bought it for my daughters, but one told ME about it, and thoroughly enjoyed the contents, and one has an unread copy, but regards it with some skepticism.  Skeptical daughter points to the Atlantic article by Professor Ann-Marie Slaughter, who wrote an article while taking a break from her Princeton appointment and her State Dept. position to tell women SHE was getting off the merry-go-round because had to choose between her career and her family and her family won.  Oversimplification, so read the article titled Why Women Still Can’tHave it All.

One take away quote from the article that I think creates common ground for both Sandberg and Slaughter:
"Only when women wield power in sufficient numbers will we create a society that genuinely works for all women. That will be a society that works for everyone." Indeed. However, the issue of women leadership and the difficulty of sustaining it seems a catch-22:  Positive change will come about if half of the decision makers are women, but for that to happen, women have to sacrifice things they shouldn't to get in those seats of power.

I think Slaughter makes excellent points, but how could she quit a job when Hillary Rodham Clinton, a.k.a. my hero, was her boss? [run, Hillary, run!]  The one thing I would fault Sandberg for is she never addresses the emotional pull of family, especially cute wee ones. I don’t think it’s wise not to tell women it’s a game changer emotionally when you give birth and have the living human being looking at you with big peeper for its every need, but perhaps they need to experience that first hand. Then if women have different responses they should absolutely do whatever they want and can do.

I admire both women for sticking their necks out and writing their truth for others to reflect on.  It’s not easy to do that, especially for women with careers, to voice an opinion on how exactly that works, or doesn’t work, for them. There are a lot of haters out there just waiting for someone to show the courage of their convictions. So, Happy Mother’s Day to them both. Well done, women, keep up the good work, and plug your ears at your detractors.

Postscript to this discussion:  I'm surprised that extended families and other countries' answers to these questions aren't talked about much when Americans are considering how to improve the lot for women who want to lead. One can look at China, where grandparents retire upon the birth of their grandparents to take on the accepted role of caregiver so the younger family can remain in the workforce, or India, where the joint family is the norm, to see there are some options around the globe we should be considering.  Are BabyBoomers so self-obsessed that it doesn't occur to anyone they could help fulfill the role of young-child caregiver to their own children?  Or, is it that BabyBoomer Grandparents are still in their jobs, unlike many of their predecessors? Or, could it be that no one has asked them?  I think it's worth finding out if they might like to apply for that job, and ask Americans to be a little less disjunct from their extended families and give up some of that famous American independence.  Seem fatuous?  It probably is, but it's worth trying some new solutions at this point, I believe.

And to my children on Mother’s Day, thanks for keeping out of jail and being the hardest, most joy-filled thing I’ve done with my life.  I accept your tribute.

BTW, S and I have watched 3 movies lately that get the smelly-sock award we'd like to warn you about:  Anna Karenina (although it has provided us with some goofy new dance moves we enjoy), The Master (good actors in a mess of a movie about dysfunction, as if we don’t see enough of that already), and Cosmopolis: again 2 good actors drew me in, but it was whack, and we quit after 15 minutes, max.  Steer clear of these lemons.